Years ago, working with one of my therapists, I created a vision board. It was one of my favorites. So was she, actually. She noted the common theme of tables and light. We talked about my love for feeding people, my joy in gathering loved ones around a table. Dining spaces, both indoor and out, have always been a drawing point to me in the homes I’ve purchased and rented. I have multiple Pinterest boards with various home design ideas, many of which include images like this one.
I’ve mentioned before that I want to work on building my horseshoe and strengthen my friendships. Towards that end I purchased the book “The Art of Showing Up” by Rachel Wilkerson Miller. One of the first things she does is have you complete a values exercise. I wrote about my values of home, hearth, and created family. About my desire to create a space for people to gather and share openly around a table with good food and intelligent conversation.
At that point I literally had to drop my pen.
If you follow me on Instagram you may have seen the post below as a response to the prompt, #nook. I have this loveseat and bookshelves set up as a solo spot to work, write, think, journal. It’s set up in the area designed by the architects of this apartment as…
the dining room.
I have no dining room table here. I have no stools at the counter. I intended to get some when I first moved in, but haven’t. I have a small table on the balcony, just enough for my daughter and I and maybe one or two guests.
At first, I was stunned by this lack of congruency between my values and my living situation. It’s not the pandemic, we moved here just before that hit. I realized though, I needed this season, this season without a big table, to settle in and heal. As a bit of a hermit.
My daughter and I moved into this apartment right after the end of my marriage to her father, at the end of last year. I know I haven’t talked about that here, I probably won’t. I don’t own the exclusive rights to that story, as they say. I will say there is no bad guy, no villain. But even amicable divorces require spaces to heal. So, no table. Instead, a nook to journal.
I’m thinking it might be just about time to change that.